RELATIONSHIP 101

So recently I have been revisiting my past a lot not to dwell moan and complain about how unfair my situations were but to write this.

I believe one thing we as human beings who have emotions cannot escape is the most powerful emotion of them all LOVE!

I know you’ve all felt it or if you have not you will soon enough the knots in your stomach, wanting to talk them all day, wondering what they are doing and just wishing life could just be you and them conquering the world.

However, it is so important to have the right person by your side, now what I am about to cover may not be entirely accurate for all situations but from my experience these are the red flags to NOT ignore and if you feel a deep rooted pit of regret or resonation as you read these signs I think you know what you need to do dumpa dumpa dumpa

PRIVATE/ PERSONAL LIFE MY ASS

You know what is admirable someone who wants to keep their business to themselves and when you are in a relationship with someone who overall is a private person that is okay. Some of the signs to notice are, they do not really post much of their family or personal relations on social in fact I would go as far as saying they barely mention it. Perhaps they see it as two different worlds. If this is the case then that’s completely fine and you are not losing your mind over why have they not posted me however I would try an experiment of taking a picture with them and seeing how they react as much as they love having a private life I’m pretty sure they would not limit you from expressing who you are completely and freely.

I remember being in a relationship with someone who was actually very influential on social media however I was unable to identify the red flag whenever I wanted to take pictures of us he would cover his face eeeek or his comments would be disabled on his pictures. Ladies if that is not a slap in the face red flag, I genuinely do not know what is. Eventually I did find out like it should have been a shock to be honest that I was not the only one. He was what I like to call a gold digger plus a cheat and I wish I knew my worth enough to end things right there and that’s why I encourage you to do so if you are with someone who has no issue posting just about everything and anything EXCEPT YOU.

ATTENTIVE TOWARDS YOU

Now I completely get it, in a relationship as much as you would want to. Its healthier to be honest to have a life outside of it in terms of work and friends and you both should be completely okay with that.

However, when you are going through phases where you genuinely need support, an encouraging voice or perhaps you have not responded at all the whole day. It is concerning if they are not one of the first to check up on you.

You see this person is not only your other half but they are your best friend and your feelings should matter to them if they have decided to make you their partner I should definitely hope so!

I remember being in a relationship with someone who literally would probably only talk to me once a week and every week the excuses just got worse and worse until we just stopped talking. That was not fair on me and I do not wish this on you. Its so important to have someone who is attentive towards what you need you may not require a conversation all day I know I did not. I just wanted an hour maybe a day where we get to catch up and talk and ladies/fellas if your other half cannot even give you an hour this is a major red flag believe me when I say no one is that busy that they cannot even take the time out to check up on you if you are that important to them.

FIGHTS ARE INEVITABLE

The truth is if you don’t see eye to eye with your parents all the time how on earth do you think you can get into a relationship with someone and everything will be all hunky dory with no conflicts.

There will be certain things you disagree on and that’s okay so long as you guys can talk about It or come to a mutual understanding.

However, I mean occasionally if you are arguing every single day there is a problem that needs to be addressed that is not healthy at all.

I have been in heated conversations with my current boo where it has gotten pretty intense and do you know what I love that he never feels the need to call me vulgar words or raise his voice.

Understand it is never justified for someone even in the heat of the moment to mentally abuse you, or make you feel any less of yourself than you are.

I remember being with someone who every time we argued which was practically our whole relationship and I really wish I was exaggerating the vulgar words would all come out, I don’t have a body like ____, I’m just a stupid _____ , people from my race are all ____ just ____ off you get the picture. Sometimes the honest truth is you can’t make someone respect you if they choose not to or if they have the personality traits of a narcissist but what you can choose to do and what you have control over is not letting anyone disrespect you and I wish in those situations I understood my worth and just walked away.

DATE NIGHT

No matter if you are dating the CEO of the world bank or the Tom Cruise, it is very important you both have US time, this does not always have to be fancy extravagant restaurants with bills of over $100.

A meaningful car ride, a stroll on the beach, a movie, the cinemas, going to a hookah lounge or maybe attending a party together.

Do not let someone who claims to be in a relationship with you constantly make excuses for why they cannot see you, this is such a huge red flag and I would not even ignore this and I could not the first time okay fair enough but the second third fourth how many times are you going to let it slide? How long are you going to be in this invisible relationship

If its long distance maybe it means frequent facetime or zoom calls.

However my point is its unfair on YOU that you are all about this person who cannot even spare a day to come see you and make you feel as special as you deserve. Sometimes it can be hard to let go when they are offering sweet words of apologies and making all these fake promises but you must love yourself enough to know actions speak louder than words and is that really the type of relationship you want to be in

INTIMACY SHOULD BE A MUTUAL AGREEMENT

Now let us talk about that PJ 18+ topic, a relationship should not be about wanting to rip other clothes off every minute and second.

This is a bonus and it certainly should be earned do not give away your goods so easily.

Learn to develop a soul connection first, this is someone who you could potentially end up spending your life with there is plenty of time for that however you want to make sure it’s the right person rather than having a one night regret or even worse.

I remember speaking to this guy located about 4 hours away from where I live, we had a few calls and things were going well so we decided to meet up. Imagine how romantic I thought it was that he would drive all that way to see me only to figure out it was not to go out and get to know each other in real life but to be inside a hotel and it was pretty obvious what the intentions were as soon as the hand started sliding over the thigh way too many times than I was comfortable with. Honestly I felt humiliated I was willing to give love another chance and this person came down for a booty call I really did not know what to think, they had made the false promises of I was just the type of woman they’ve always dreamed of building a future with.

If the first time or every-time you meet this is what the intention is take it as a red flag sign, there’s nothing wrong with It as a bonus to end the perfect night however it should not be the only thing going down every-time.

Believe me if they truly are serious about being committed to you, they will wait.

Hell! Do you know what let me prove this to you the current boo I am with waited a whole year as it was my wish not to rush into anything I did not want to later regret.

YOUR FIRST RELATIONSHIP

At some point you must realise that you are already taken by someone who is so much more important than everyone else.

This person cares about you, they want to keep you safe, they do their best to warn you of things that could potentially cause you harm and they endure so much pain just because they know you are worth it and you deserve to have the light at the end of the dark tunnel.

If you have not guessed by now that by person is, YOU.

Know your self-worth, know what you like in a person and do not like. Understand how to love yourself first, my mentor always told me that self-awareness is a super power and I agree we should all take the time out to really get to know ourselves and this may be the best chance you will get with the lockdown.

You see you cannot expect to have a healthy relationship with someone else if you do not have one with yourself learn to love respect and appreciate every aspect of what makes you so unique.

If I had to leave you on one note it would be do not let loneliness put you into relationships, you have no heart or business being in. The result will always lead to someone getting hurt